i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
