my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
