if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
