You really coming over, don't trick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So many bounce houses so little time
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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