Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
