Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
