the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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