I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
