I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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