there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
