Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The adults are the big ones right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
