Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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