Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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