dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize