rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
