I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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