I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
