So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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