You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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