I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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