Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.