I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.