i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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