1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
two words: eviction party
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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