I love black thongs
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
