it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
