u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That's intense
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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