absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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