I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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