no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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