My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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