we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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