Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
