thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
