separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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