I smell stomach acid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
