I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
