is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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