Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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