My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Enjoy the penises
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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