I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
