why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
