I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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