rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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