is your mom at the bar?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
