He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
