True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
