You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
