Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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