Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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