So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
