everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
