I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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