I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
