She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
