Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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