haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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