I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
