Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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