if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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