hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you made out with another girl for some wings
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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