did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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