the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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