Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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