cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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